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Smile

It’s a shame that most of us could hardly learn from our mistakes. We always prefer to prolong the agony instead of patching things up as early as we could. We end up regretting our impulsive actions yet we still do nothing. Indeed, life is complicated but what makes it so is because of the choices we made wrong unintentionally or most of the time because of our pride; we also tend to lie instead of practicing honesty.

 Years ago, I’ve got hooked up in a situation where I was blinded by hatred and I was too afraid to face the facts that were waiting for me. So, I ran away from it rather than clearing things out to end the conflict. I never wanted to admit by then that I made a mistake as well. Early this summer only that I realized that it was me all along who made the very big mistake. But then, things changed and I couldn’t just approach the person immediately and say sorry.

 Now, it’s even harder than I thought, so I kept praying; telling God how sorry I am for being so narrow-minded, immature, egoistic and everything, and that I regretted what I did. I told Him everything that was deep inside me hoping He could share it to the very person whom I’ve sinned and wishing I’ll be given the chance to make things right. And then, God proved me once again how powerful a prayer is when He listened to me for the nth time. That was when the tour entered the picture.

 If it hadn’t been for the rain, I wouldn’t have something to ponder on that is quite personal to me during the tour. Weird as it may seem, I kind of hate and love the idea of the big droplets of water pouring from the grayish clouds during that day. Just like the other people, I’ve hated the rain for sabotaging the activity, for missing the chance to be in places I’ve never been, and for being stuck up somewhere doing nothing while hoping I could just leave my bag at the corner and go play under the cold falling rain.
Heritage tour while raining in Fort San Pedro.
On the contrary, I also have to admit I’ve always loved everything about the rain. And what the rain have brought upon me that day makes me love it even more. She gave me the reason to do the things I wouldn’t dare to do so at normal circumstances. Even for a few seconds, I got a glimpse of the most heart-melting view among all that was there. That was when I caught that smile which was seemingly telling me to leave the past behind.

 I thank those beautiful droplets so much for giving me that bit of a chance. It allowed me to be stuck up there and let me contain myself with such an overwhelming feeling from catching that particular sight. It just felt so good that it even made me think things through.

 The tour was my passport, the rain was my cue and the smile was the chance I was waiting for all this time. Words aren’t enough for me to say how thankful I am to God for giving me this new hope. As for now, I believe that we’re on the verge of fixing the scratches we’ve made for each other. I knew in my heart that even if I could patch things up between us completely, it will never be the same again but at least I’ll have peace of mind now and I could tell this to myself: “I saw it, I took a picture and that deep inside me I know I’ll remember it forever.”

 - M


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